The Peril and Power of Porn

My husband always had “dirty” magazines; he brought them home, he did not hide them. He ordered these magazines as well, and I knew he had videos of pornography that he had when we moved in together. He would watch the porn behind closed doors, but did not hide it. He was very bold about his desire to view this. It was as if there was nothing wrong with it. Porn was a tenant of who he was, part of his core identity. Wow, it was housed within him rent free, but the cost to myself and family will never be paid off.
I was embarrassed, disgusted, degraded and repulsed at the thought of porn. I knew it was destructive, but knew there was nothing I could do about it. This was a deep-seated attachment within my husband. When computers became a household product, I was really in trouble. It became a quick and easier access. Our computer was the family computer and was in a common area. The addiction became such a problem for my husband, he would view it with family/children  present. When I would become upset or tell him kids were present, he would say, “If they don’t like it, don’t look!”
I was never my husband’s “only one.” There were affairs and a constant barrage of pressure to engage in unthinkable acts. I never felt special or respected. Intimacy was not sacred. It was sick. I did not see my husband in an innocent, loving way while trying to be intimate. I did not feel his hands or body with an innocent touch. I felt repulsed, I felt filthy, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Everything was twisted and confusing. I learned that he chose sexual sin and I had to be part of it.
Porn killed, smashed and destroyed the beautiful gift God intended for us to keep and cherish under our marriage covenant.  If any man thinks this won’t affect his marriage in a negative way, think again! If you think it won’t affect your daughter in negative ways, think again! If you think your son is not watching and won’t affect him think again! I could write a book on how porn/sexual addictions WILL affect your children!  You are lying to yourself to fulfill a selfish pleasure which in turn will become a monster. It’s the enemy. The truth is, once you test the waters of sexual sin, your wife can’t satisfy you. If you don’t stop…..the long term damage? You will lose your wife/family. You will have to rely upon stimuli that is not God given. Porn rewires you. The enemy’s design is to lead you to into a hunger that can NEVER be satisfied.  Thus, anger, violence, guilt, shame and other sexual sin are born because there is NO WAY OUT of the lie until the day you choose to be completely delivered. You can’t do this alone.

This heartbreaking email that I received from a concerned wife and mother is brutally honest, and much of the church doesn’t know how to handle these issues. Sadly, we silently watch the enemy of our soul take us down one family at a time.

Researching this topic has been sobering and sickening. My goal is to offer grace and hope but not at the expense of avoiding the seriousness of sin. Nothing is more detrimental to our lives than sexual sin. The enemy doesn’t show a couple the pain and anguish or the years of regret that pornography (adultery) brings; he deceives them with the temporary enjoyment of illicit sex and a false sense of freedom from responsibility: “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant. But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of hell” (Proverbs 9:17–18).

If the full story was known beforehand, no doubt different choices would be made. The consequences of sexual sin are tragic. If we candy-coat this issue and fail to see it for what it is, we can easily be misled. “We are the first generation to be completely bombarded with graphic sexual material every time we get online. . . . What other time in human history has there been unlimited access to pictures and videos of every act imaginable (and unimaginable) with the click of a button?” (FightTheNewDrug.org).

Here are some mind-blowing porn stats from FightTheNewDrug.org:

  1. Porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, & Twitter combined each month. (HuffPost)

  2. People who admit to having extramarital affairs were over 300% more likely to admit consuming porn than those who have never had an affair, according to a 2004 study in Social Science Quarterly.

  3. Recorded child sexual exploitation (known as “child porn”) is one of the fastest-growing online businesses. (IWF) . . . AND is hosted on servers located in all 50 states (Association of Sites Advocating Child Protection). How is this even possible if it’s illegal?

  4. In 2016 alone, more than 4,599,000,000 hours of porn were consumed on the world’s largest porn site. (PH Analytics). The top three searches are heart-wrenching.

Throughout Scripture, adultery, especially spiritual adultery, was the downfall of many. Adultery begins in the heart. In Matthew 5:28 (NIV), Jesus says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Porn removes intimacy from the marriage and gives the devil a place in your home—more arguments, less love. It quenches and grieves the Spirit and, therefore, robs us of joy and peace. But there is hope for the fallen. I recently spoke on hope, and if you need encouragement, listen here.

Porn is an extreme attack on our families and on our nation. Here is the first and most important point: An extreme attack will require an extreme defense. “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell” (Matthew 5:29).

Cause means to provoke, trigger, induce, inspire, and motivate. If something in your life provokes, triggers, and motivates sin, cut it out. Avoid places that stimulate lust. Watch the sermon here for more insight on removing stumbling blocks.

Ironically, as I was sending this article to print, the following message appeared on Facebook that validates the urgency and importance of full surrender:

I want to confess publicly: I have known of Shane for a long time, however I only started closely following his messages in the last year or so (I live in Florida). When I was younger I sometimes thought his approach was too harsh. I thought, “Well, some of his points are good, but he’s going overboard.”

But let me say that time and time again in my family and in our circle of friends he has been proven right. NEVER ONCE have I personally, or anyone I’ve talked to, looked back and thought “I wish I had been less vigilant or less careful.” Never once have I thought, “I wish I had not been so committed to holiness.”  It’s always the reverse. It’s always looking back and thinking, “Wow, I didn’t see that coming.” Or “I didn’t realize the danger.”

Again, an extreme attack from the enemy will require an extreme defense. The Apostle Peter begs us to “abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul” (1 Peter 2:11) as we run to Christ.